For the past couple of weeks we’ve been talking about the patterns we get into, and the impetus we feel for change when the “new year” or “new season” comes around. The first steps to change are 1) acknowledging the behavior and thought patterns that we’ve held for so long, 2) re-examining those patterns and asking ourselves whether those beliefs are still true for us and are still serving us, and 3) challenging ourselves to think or behave completely opposite to those prior beliefs as a “dress rehearsal” for change. Even if we just try on a new attitude, mindset or behavior temporarily and later decide it’s not quite the right “fit,” we have opened channels in our brains that reduce limiting beliefs and enable growth mindset.
As mentioned in the last blog post, we are often stuck in a state of inertia unless we are acted upon by an outside, unbalanced force. In my case I have been fortunate to have people in my life who have acted as that force, challenging me to reconsider my perspective in a way that was supportive and non-judgmental. When a truly trusted friend, colleague or partner has thoughtfully challenged me in a way that made me see I was limiting my own ability to grow and thrive by NOT acknowledging other perspectives into my world view, I have made a conscious effort to change.
In most of these circumstances I was faced with some very tough choices, and there was nearly always something important to me at stake that I was in danger of losing if I didn’t open my mind, take a look at my attachments to old stories, and consider whether I needed to reassess and make some changes. Over the next few weeks I’ll share different examples of these nudges that brought about change for me, starting from the most innocuous and leading to the most vulnerable and life-altering. Hopefully sharing stories like this will help others feel more willing to make small, and eventually big, changes that lead to more freedom and joy.
Health is my top value. From a very young age my father impressed upon me that as long as we have our health and the health of those we love, nothing else is important. And yet, I have not always been successful at leading the healthy lifestyle I admire in others who seem to have a consistent, disciplined movement/exercise practice and nutrition plan and who are able to maintain a healthy body composition without significant fluctuations. I love food in general, and sweets in particular. Food is my drug of choice. I could (and likely will) write an entire post on why I think we need to acknowledge the power of food more than we do in our society, and how it can act like any other numbing or addictive agent to placate our emotions and cause damage to our relationship with ourselves. I have resisted so many practical solutions to address this behavior. I have attached myself to a practice of eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and rejecting any potential solution to adopt a habit of moderation because I felt it limited my ability to feel joy and freedom in my life. But when my weight would fluctuate and I was unhappy with how my body looked, or when I needed to take a nap every afternoon due to poor nutrition choices and a lack of movement that left me overfed, lethargic and undernourished, I felt no joy or freedom. So why not at least TRY to change something? I had a serious mental block on this.
When I moved to Boulder, Colorado for graduate school I was so turned off by what I perceived to be the obsessive lifestyle of the vast number of cyclists, runners, triathletes, rock climbers and adrenaline junkies surrounding me, I actually became LESS active ON PURPOSE. I wanted to be as contrary as possible to the uber-fit culture of individuals who were biking 20 miles each way to school/work, taking 2-hour lunch breaks for their run/swim/lifting sessions, and eating kale and tofu at their desks. In hindsight I can see that it was my own insecurity about not being “fit enough” that held me back from being curious about this alternate lifestyle. Had I been more open-minded, I could have considered whether there was anything these people were doing that did resonate with me, and that would have supported my goal of being more active, healthy and energetic. Even though I had competed at the collegiate level in gymnastics, it wasn’t a sport that was easy to continue recreationally, so I didn’t feel confident to put myself out there and try other activities. I didn’t have any experience other than being in a leotard and flipping around on a 4-inch wide plank of wood. Case in point, when I had to take a swimming class in college as part of my exercise physiology degree, my instructor pulled me aside after one of the first sessions and said, “I used to think you were a really great athlete, but then I saw you swim…”
I’m sure that memory did not help my own insecurities about not being able to do any sport other than the one I’d always done from the age of 5 to 20 years old. But what eventually allowed me to consider trying something new was after I formed trusted relationships with my peers in Colorado and found the people who encouraged me without judgment. They were different from me, having much more experience with a wide variety of physical activities and sports, but they lowered the bar for me to try new things. I thought I had to somehow get from where I was presently, wheezing on my bike as I ascended the ¼ mile hill up to my research lab every day, to becoming an Ironman triathlon competitor. Instead, they invited me to run the famous Bolder Boulder 10K race as part of the lab team, not for time, just for fun. This reframe took me from having unrealistic expectations about changing my lifestyle, to taking a small step towards trying something new in a welcoming environment and a one-time event with zero expectation of creating a full-on lifestyle out of this running thing.
One of my lab mates was a running coach and she made me a training plan, which was another important piece to start the change process–small, slow steps that allowed me to comfortably move toward a new mindset and behavior without having to completely abandon the resistance and insecurity that I’d been so attached to. As discussed in the last post, those protective and defensive emotions have served us in some way over time, but we need to stay awake to know when we no longer need them and when to thank them for their service and bid them farewell.
The energy and camaraderie at that race brought me a satisfaction I didn’t think I could get from something like running. I had viewed running as an obsessive activity that only rigid, type A people participated in. But sometimes changing one thing, or trying one thing, even one time, will give us enough of a shift in thinking to start to wonder “what else might there be that I’ve been missing?”
Running didn’t end up being my everyday activity, but after that race I did it enough to enjoy the 300 days of sunshine and mountain views that my time in Colorado gifted me, and I had many meaningful conversations with casual running buddies over the years. I stayed open-minded enough to run some half-marathons, one full marathon, and a few sprint triathlons, and yet I have never become a “runner” in the sense that it makes up a regimented part of my life or daily routine. I have seasons with it where it serves me, and other seasons where I choose to do something different as far as a movement practice goes. I took what I needed from that new experience and applied it to my life in the way that continues to best serve me and my health goals.
I’ve dug my heels in on other healthy habits that felt too difficult to adopt (e.g. tracking my food choices) and made me want to stay in my safe little comfort zone, silently or not-so-silently judging others when I felt insecure about my own choices. But when I find myself amongst a community that is modeling some behaviors that I think could serve my long-term goals, and who challenge my thinking in a humble and supportive way, I allow my mind to crack the door open a bit, see if there’s something I could let go of that’s no longer serving me, and make space to try something new.
CrossFit was one of those things for me. I adopted the common rhetoric that it was a “dangerous activity” because that was easier than trying to find out the truth for myself. In 2016 I was invited to take a class as part of a benefit for a friend who was about to undergo a leg amputation. We all had to do the class using only one leg. The community assembled to take part in this activity was so welcoming to me as the newbie, and the energy and humility in the room where everyone was working outside of their comfort zone in support of a fellow athlete, brought some of my deeper core values into the forefront (human connection) and allowed me to let go of my ego and attachment to stories that I’d never properly vetted. After that moving experience I did the work of reassessing my prior beliefs. I spoke to knowledgeable people with different viewpoints on the safety of CrossFit and got a recommendation for a reputable gym and coach that focused on form and safety. Seven years later CrossFit is still a huge part of my life. The workouts and the people I share them with are often the highlight of my day. My life is richer for having questioned my prior beliefs, and I would definitely be missing out on something very special had I never given myself a chance to change those beliefs.
My evolution of healthy behaviors is ongoing. I’m sure a lot of people assume that it comes natural to me because I’ve made it a priority at this point, but it is still a struggle and I still have to fight the inertia. We should never assume that life is easy for anyone; we are all taking in new information all the time and if we are committed to growth and expansion we are also constantly fighting against old patterns and beliefs. Having people in our lives who can support us and challenge us to change our thinking is crucial. Find those individuals you can trust to help you open your mind and consider alternatives to long-held beliefs without judgment.
I will admit this was a bit of a “fluff” example of change, even though it has been life-altering for me. Changing habits is tough and rewarding. Changing a long-standing mindset on topics that are deeply ingrained and that tend to define us can really throw us and our inner circle for a loop. In the spirit of this week’s exercise topic let’s call this post a warm-up. Next week will be the high-intensity session.
In the meantime, think about a time when you changed your mind…or think about something you’ve started to become curious about even though you may have rejected or resisted it in the past. Start by asking some thoughtful questions of yourself and others. Then try one new thing over the next week–a new way of thinking, a new way of responding or communicating, a new food, a new activity, listen to a new music genre…leave a note in the comments and let me know what you tried!