Recently I saw a post on a family Facebook group where a woman asked members to share their “favorite secret summer spots,” including beaches, trails etc. The only comment posted below her request was a single word: “NEVER!”
We covet things that are important to us, that hold significant meaning and memories, but we interlace this preciousness with fear of losing those things to others who may take a piece of the proverbial pie. Why do we feel that sharing impactful life experiences or physical objects we hold dear would somehow devalue our own perception of those things?
We are inherently built to comptet with each other, not only for resources but for individuality and uniqueness.
We all know people who are “one-uppers” or who want to be not just the first, but the only to own the latest and greatest–they know about the James Beard Award-winning chef that just opened a new restaurant in town months before the new owners have even broken ground on the building and become avid customers from the grand opening on. It is their favorite place until…the place becomes wildly popular and they can no longer get a reservation, or they feel it’s too loud, too well known and less special because the “others” have found out about it.
They devalue their experience and move on to seek something that separates them from the common.
We’ve all been “precious” about things that hold meaning to us, but we’ve also likely known those individuals who seemingly give the “shirt off their back” in any situation. They are not attached to material items nor are they clutching tightly to experiences they’ve had–they’ll share their advice on the best hotels, restaurants, discounts, give their friends their own car or bed when they come to visit, happily share all of their expensive coffee or wine because they truly want others to experience the same joy they get from these treasures.
These are the people with abundance mentality. They do not fear a lack of resources or good times. They know they can create and recreate what they need in life, independent of what others do or possess.
In many cases they genuinely love to see others appreciate the same things they have enjoyed over their lives. They get excited to see a friend taste their favorite meal at their favorite restaurant, or see the sunset view from the “secret” bench they found on a cliffside hiking trail.
Those with scarcity mentality cling tightly to events and possessions and this attitude poisons their perspective and ability to connect wholly and fully with other people. If you want a visual representation of this personality trait picture an Ebenezer Scrooge-like character, arms encircled around the coveted items and experiences that do not want to share or even disclose to others for fear of not having “enough” for themselves.
The consequences of scarcity mentality preclude us from living the fullest life possible.
The persistent fear of losing something supersedes any feeling of peace or gratitude for the things we bring into our lives.
We are unable to lovingly embrace people, places or things because we are holding on to them so tightly we choke them to death.
Scarcity mindset is often passed down to generations, perpetuating a fear cycle that impedes the next generation’s ability to freely freely be present with their life’s endeavors; instead they are constantly defending their possessions against the phantom thieves they’ve created in their minds and as a result of a model that their parents and grandparents laid before them.
If we are constantly afraid that a moment, experience or item will be taken from us, we can never fully enjoy it and be present with it.
Conversely, those who live with an abundance mentality are always in the present moment, savoring what they have in front of them, unafraid of it disappearing before their eyes, and simply grateful for the time they have. They don’t worry about losing something before it is lost, and if and when it does go away, their gratitude for its visit in their lives endures.
Scarcity mentality feeds on fear. Abundance mentality thrives on gratitude.
In contrast to the Facebook post about getting people to disclose their secret beach hideaways, I am in another group for Acadia National Park hikers. In that group there is a woman who was born and raised on Mount Desert Island and grew up hiking throughout the park located there. She goes for a walk every single day before she starts her workday as a school teacher. And every single day she posts beautiful pictures with accompanying, detailed narratives of her hikes.
She shares secrets from a “local” on hidden art work nestled in the woods, or a cove that offers the most beautiful view of sunrise, far away from the crowded and popular tourist spots. She offers advice on taking care of oneself while hiking, how to use a lint roller to remove ticks from your pants after hiking, or which hikes might require a detailed map due to poor trail markings.
She selflessly gives the gift of her world, a world she grew up in and a world that has accumulated more and more visitors over the 6 or so decades she has lived there–culminating in a record-breaking 4 million people in 2023. There are probably many locals who are disillusioned by this onslaught of “outsiders” “invading” their home. In fact I know there are because they also post on this group page.
But this woman is lucky enough to still see the magic in her hometown and in the woods that she grew up in, never fearing that it would all go away or would somehow diminish in grandeur if others knew about it. On the contrary, she is inviting us all into her world freely and providing a literal map to all of the special places that continue to fill her soul as though she is seeing them for the first time every time she embarks on her morning jaunt.
I feel grateful every time I read one of her posts. I feel like I have been given the secret password to her “clubhouse,” and yet she doesn’t even attempt to keep it a secret. Instead she places colorful signs and arrows throughout the fields and trails and stone walls and bridges that lead the way to her favorite places. There is room for everyone in her world.
What would it be like if we were all more like this? If we let go of the fear of “losing” possessions or experiences due to others taking a piece of what we had? What if we abandoned the idea that we are not special if “too many” others follow in our footsteps or stake a flag in the same beach sand where we spend our summer vacations?
What if we relaxed the grip on our clutching hands that seek to hold moments that are not meant to be caged?
What if, instead, we opened our arms wide in a gesture of offering our most valuable memories and adventures freely to others so that they may also fill their cups with abundance of joy, gratitude, hope, peace and the gift of the present moment?
Fear has caused a huge rift in our ability to connect with and support one another in our society. Removing scarcity mentality by spreading abundance mentality will bring us all closer.