When I was in middle school my dad used to make my lunch every day and put it in the classic brown paper lunch bag. He was and is an extremely erudite individual and always had a love of words. He would take a sharpie marker and write a new word on the outside of my lunch bag every day. The challenge was for me and my friends, affectionately known as the “lunch bunch” because we always ate together in the cafeteria, to decipher the meaning of the word. The lunch bunch were always eager to see what new puzzle we had to solve. I can still picture the crew rushing into the cafeteria, claiming the same table and the same seats every day, and starting the discussion on the latest vocabulary word. This practice prepared us for our high school English classes and several of the words from those middle-school days popped up on our SAT exams. I recall my dad picking up me and my best friend from that Saturday morning SAT exam and my bestie couldn’t wait to tell my dad that the words “bucolic and pastoral,” two of our lunch bag words, were on the test! I also remember the word “recidivism” giving us the most difficult challenge; we asked every teacher in the school if they knew what it meant and none of them did. Ultimately we tracked down the vice principal, who happened to have a law degree, and he was the only one who could crack the code for us.
I do not have the extensive vocabulary that my dad does, and I tend to over-index on my use of four-letter words rather than dig into my childhood armamentarium of vocabulary treasures, but I do have an appreciation for words and word associations. I’ve started to notice that the way some words sound triggers a different meaning when I slow down the pronunciation in my mind.
For example, I use the word “intention” a lot. It is a word often used in yoga, mindfulness, and movement practices, all of which are foundational to my values of mind-body health. Moving with intention is a way to connect with our bodies and be aware of what may be going on with an injury or illness. Speaking with intention allows us to communicate with others more clearly and compassionately. There is a purposefulness to this word, “intention.” When we are being intentional we are rooted in the present moment.
A couple of years ago it hit me that “intention” also sounds like “in tension.” At first this may seem like an oxymoron; why would we want to bring tension into our lives?But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that we need tension to grow. And being “in tension” is another way to root into the present moment and make thoughtful and purposeful decisions about our paths and our goals.
In my former life as an exercise scientist we would talk about the balance of tension and relaxation in the context of muscle growth and adaptation to exercise. Tension provides the stimulus for muscle to essentially break down acutely, and the only way it can turn that stimulus into a positive adaptation of increased strength is through a relaxation/rest/recovery period after the initial tension stimulus. If we take this example into other parts of our lives, including the way we speak, think, act, and make decisions, we find that all of those things also require a balance of tension and relaxation.
Once again we return to the theme of being able to choose our paths in life, and if we are of the growth mindset ilk, both tension and relaxation are going to be required to stimulate growth. We may think of tension as a negative, as our society constantly talks about “reducing stress and tension.” The reality is that not all stress is bad, and we are in a position to choose the right environment where a dose of stress or tension actually equates to intentional practices that move us towards our goals.
n a previous blog post I mentioned that I am a CrossFitter. The official definition of CrossFit is “constantly varied, high intensity, functional movement.” The first two portions of this definition embody unknowns, which inherently impart a bit of stress to us humans who like to know what is being thrown at us and who like to have control, routines etc. In CrossFit every day is a different workout and you never know how intense it will be or what movements it will entail. Even still, there are infinite modifications one can apply to complete the workout, regardless of fitness level, injuries or limitations. You have a choice in how much effort you put in, or whether you choose to show up at all. This is the balance that we as individuals need to create for our own personal mental and physical health and growth. If we want to grow, we need to add some dose of tension, but we also so need to acknowledge that tension cannot stimulate growth without a dose of relaxation.
The second part of this equation may prove more difficult. In our society it is less common to see people who are willing to step out of tension and into relaxation. We reward being “stressed” or “overworked” and wear these as badges of honor. We even sometimes shame people for taking time to rest or recover because it must mean they lack the stamina required to exist in this productivity-obsessed society. This is why I admire people who give themselves the space and time to recover; it takes courage in this modern-day environment to model healthy behaviors like taking rest or choosing not to push ourselves all the time.
Last year I made a friend at CrossFit during the annual even called the CrossFit Open. This is a global competition that lasts for 4 weeks each spring. Everyone around the world who is participating does the same workout, but there are still options to modify or “scale” the intensity or movements so that it is accessible to literally anyone. This new friend of mine had shown up for the first week’s competition, but not to compete, just to cheer on the others at the gym. When I asked them why they weren’t participating they said, “I just didn’t want to do it this year. I didn’t really feel like putting my body through this as I have had a lot of injuries lately and just needed a break.” Now, there is a lot of well-intentioned peer pressure when it comes to the CrossFit Open, and there is a great sense of community during the event, but I immediately felt admiration for this person’s decision. When I probed a bit more, they told me that having grown up in sports and always feeling like they had to perform for the coach or the team etc, they had realized that as an independent adult they could now choose whether to do something or decline. I really respected and related to this decision, having been a dutiful gymnast for 20 years, constantly obeying my coach’s mandates and literally being trained not to listen to my body but to push through pain and ignore my instincts. This was a great example of self-agency and a great reminder that we all have the ability to make the choices that are best for us in any given circumstance.
Fast-forward to this year’s CrossFit Open and this same friend decided not only to participate, but they have been challenging themselves to compete in the “Rx” division, which means doing the most difficult version of the workouts as prescribed for the top-level athletes. When I learned this fact I was once again immediately impressed because this was a perfect example of how we can choose the times in our lives when we want to push ourselves and apply tension to stimulate growth, and when we want to step back to give ourselves time to relax and recover so that we have the energy and strength to re-engage in challenges with intention.
I have two other very strong memories and examples of individuals who exemplified this for me when I was teaching yoga years ago. There was an extremely fit young man who attended my power yoga class on a regular basis. He was a stone-worker and had a very physical day job in addition to being a competitive endurance athlete. He had a very strong yoga practice and was probably the fittest person in the room. One night he came into class and immediately got down on his mat into “child’s pose.” For those who don’t know yoga, this is a resting posture that is typically used to re-set between more challenging postures. In other words, it is the relaxation posture that balances out the tense postures designed to challenge the body. This extremely fit yoga student stayed in child’s pose for the entire class. He could have just stayed home, but instead he intentionally chose to come to class to give himself the opportunity to be in an environment where he could choose relaxation when he needed it most. He didn’t need any more tension that day. He didn’t need to prove to himself that he could complete the challenging “power yoga” class that night. The real challenge was for him to put his ego aside and choose to listen to what his body really needed in that moment and not give a fuck what anyone else might think.
On another occasion, I had a new student with no prior yoga experience come into my hot power yoga class. After about the first 5 minutes of the 90 minutes class she laid down on her mat in the back of the room in “corpse pose,” or “savasana.” This is the “final relaxation” pose we use at the end of a yoga class to let the body release all effort. She stayed in savasana for almost the entire class. As I walked around the room guiding the other participants into the various postures and movement flows I kept looking back at the woman lying on her mat at the back of the room, so worried that she wasn’t having a good experience. Maybe the class was too hard for her? Or maybe she just didn’t like my teaching style? I felt terrible. When the class was over I took my place in the lobby where I would say goodbye to each student as they exited the yoga studio. When she came out of the studio she had this glow on her face and before I could even speak she said to me, “oh my god that was WONDERFUL. It was just what I needed.” I was shocked. She hadn’t done a single pose…but she got what she needed from the class, which, just like my other student, happened to be a quiet, dark place, surrounded by others who had made an intentional choice to be somewhere they could challenge themselves both mentally and physically. She challenged herself to step out of the fray of her life and choose relaxation over tension.
When we talk about enlightenment this is what we mean–the ability to act according to what you instinctually know is best for you without concern of what others may think or feeling the need to prove yourself in some way.
All of these examples remind me to find the balance between tension and relaxation, and to give myself permission to choose which one of these growth-expanders I need most at any given moment.
Be “in tension” to stimulate growth. Be in relaxation to provide a supportive environment to maximize that growth.
Be intentional when choosing which circumstances require the stimulus and which ones require rest. YOU get to choose. Listen to your body. Let go of expectation, let go of judgment, let go of competition.
Namaste.