For all you Pink Floyd fans, feel free to get a nice laser show going on YouTube and cue up the classic rock song whose name sake inspired this week’s blog.
What are the things we reach for when we are uncomfortable? Are they healthy, supportive, appropriate targets for the problem we are trying to solve? Or are they simply easy, quick distractions that take away the feelings we are afraid to sit with?
Numbing agents are often used to AVOID the work we need to do, whether that be preparing for a stressful event, enduring a stressful event, or recovering from a stressful event.
Interestingly we have another warrior word-play here. When we AVOID something, what we are really doing is trying to fill some kind of VOID in our life experience.
When we are stressed we may reach for a numbing agent like food, alcohol, tobacco, marijuana. In our current digital society we have even more options of numbing agents to add to that list–mindlessly scrolling social media feeds or obsessively buying things we don’t need, all just to fill A-VOID we are afraid to look into.
By filling the void with external junk instead of observing the empty space and identifying what is actually missing, we deny ourselves the opportunity to build resiliency to unexpected, undesirable outcomes or manage emotions that put us in fear, fight, or flight.
When we give ourselves a chance to feel something rather than anesthetize ourselves during times of stress, we train our body and mind to recover more quickly from distress.
Acute stress situations can actually inspire more inner calm if we have the right mindset and are able to recover quickly. This process takes time and practice with the right dose of useful stress, but when we use numbing agents to AVOID the stress, we never get the chance to develop those skills.
A friend recently shared his experience with the popular trend of the “cold plunge.” He monitored his heart rate variability (HRV) before and after the cold plunge. HRV is the variation in heart rate from one beat to the next, which can be predictive of the level of stress the body is experiencing. Higher HRV is associated with lower stress levels.
During the cold plunge his HRV was lower than it was before he entered the cold water; makes sense, sitting a freezing cold tub of ice water would cause some stress in the body. But after recovery from the cold plunge, his HRV was higher than it was at baseline. This suggests that his body adapted to the acute, intentional stress of entering the cold water and was actually able to self-regulate better.
A more accessible example of this is simply doing physical exercise.
It is well known that trained athletes have a lower resting heart rate (a hallmark of lower parasympathetic activity, or the “calmer” part of the autonomic nervous system), but those athletes are also pushing themselves regularly in high-intensity workouts where their heart rate is reaching near maximum beats per minute.
The recovery period after exercise is where the adaptation occurs, and where we build the resiliency to future stress. In this example, after several training sessions, the body eventually requires less effort (e.g. lower heart rate and thus strain on the cardiovascular system) and recovers more easily, from the same training load.
When exposed to controlled stressors over and over, the body eventually adapts and becomes more resilient to those stressors.
In the case of mental stress, emotional turmoil, fear, loneliness, anxiety, boredom and other emotional voids we’d prefer not to endure, we often choose distraction and numbing rather than “train” ourselves to sit with these emotions and build up our resiliency to them so we can be more happy and productive.
We also often try to justify our numbing behaviors–”it’s only a couple of drinks a night to help me wind down and decompress…” without acknowledging the additional stress these numbing agents put on the body, counteracting the intended outcome of feeling more relaxed.
When we ingest alcohol, for example, we risk getting poor sleep which, in turn, impacts many systems of the body and drains our energy levels and ability to recover from stress. It can also have the opposite effect on mood that we are seeking, sometimes making us more jittery, on-edge, or even hostile.
Other numbing agents are a little more sneaky-easy to justify.
Food has always been my numbing agent of choice. Bad day? Ice cream. Not enough sleep? Eat a whole large pizza by myself for dinner and go to bed with a stomach ache. The stomach ache overshadowed the things in my head I didn’t want to address!
I never equated food with other more stereotypical types of numbing agents like drugs and alcohol, until I learned that sugar and fat stimulate the same dopamine pathways as opioids do. Sugar is an acceptable “drug” in our society and is often used to replace missing joy.
I read once in a book (that I now can’t remember the name of), that if someone called you after a hard day and said “I’m so ashamed, I came home last night and was so upset that I ate an entire cheesecake.” Your friend might respond, “Oh that’s okay, you deserved it!”
But no one is going to encourage you if you tell them, “I had such a hard day, I came home and did two lines of cocaine…”
I’m not comparing sugar to cocaine. Well, kind of, not really, but my point is, the intention of using ANYTHING to suppress emotions we don’t want to feel, is numbing.
Binge shopping, hoarding, buying things we don’t need can also fall into this category. The temporary “high” of purchasing that 50th pair of shoes comes with the collateral damage to our financial health which, when not in balance, can impart even more stress on us.
It also feeds a cycle of the highs and lows of having something “new and shiny” that temporarily boosts our mood, but ultimately just masks our inner pain.
Even “healthy” activities can be weaponized against feeling our emotions–even though exercise is a great stress-reliever, excessive exercise is a tool that some people use to avoid thinking or feeling or dealing with seemingly untenable situations.
Just like anything, there is a balance to managing the “void” we so desperately want to fill.
Numbing, avoidance and distraction are all temporary fixes that can become chronic derailers of our life’s peace train if we don’t keep them in check.
The solution is to first notice what you reach for when you are sad, lonely, stressed, afraid…and then ask yourself:
-Will this make me feel better temporarily? (probably yes)
-Will I STILL feel better in a few hours, or even tomorrow? (probably no)
-Will this make me better able to endure the stress I’m facing if and when it happens again? (probably no)
Next, ask yourself what voice is coming from the void.
Give it a chance to tell you who it is, why it’s there, and why it needs your attention.
Finally, ask yourself what alternative solutions would really help you move through the void versus AVOID it.
What would SUPPORT you through the phase of feeling temporarily uncomfortable, and ultimately allow you to come out the other side a little stronger?
-Is it rest?
-Is it hydration?
-Is it a walk in nature?
-Is it taking a few deep breaths or listening to a guided meditation?
-Is it journaling?
-Is it calling a friend?
Think supportive. Think healthy mind, body, and spirit. Think long-term, sustainable solutions.
On a final note, this is not to judge or admonish anyone for using temporary distractions. There is a time and a place for a little Netflix binge watching to check out of life for a while…but just remember to come back to the surface and tap into your tool kit for navigating the uncomfortable rather than becoming comfortably numb.
The world needs you to be here, and it wants you to experience all it has to offer.
Be well, warrior friends.