In 2022 was my word for the year was clarity. I knew that something needed to shift but I wasn’t really sure what direction I needed to go or what I was looking for and by the end of that year I had already made the decision in my head to take some space and give myself time to figure it out.
I built an “exit ramp” mindfully and responsibly rather than burning down the house and jumping off a cliff.
I knew I was going to resign from my job in early 2023, but I also wanted to make sure that I could leave without any regret or feeling that I had not honored my commitment to my role and my team. The environment was not healthy for me but I could always find solace in working hard for my teammates, so I leaned into that while I simultaneously carved out time to reflect on what I valued and what I wanted my future to look like.
I called my financial advisor to provide me with an estimate of how much time I could take off without hurting my long-term savings which I had been diligently contributing to for over a decade. We determined how much cushion I had that would provide me with security and take away any anxiety about not having a job for a little while.
It would have been “easy” to tell myself that I would “figure things out” once I resigned, but I knew that I needed some accountability to keep doing “the work.” I hired a coach to help guide me so that I wasn’t just floundering on my own, not making any progress.
Investing money and committing my time to work with a coach was much like hiring a personal trainer versus paying a gym membership. The gym is always there, but if there isn’t someone waiting for you to show up and help you do the exercises then the money goes down the drain and you don’t make any progress.
The manifestation of my word-of-the year happened in layers. I slowly started to see sky beyond the fog and possibility where there had previously been none.
I also started feeling like myself again. I was more confident and cared less about what others thought. These were traits I had held during other phases of my life, but so long ago I could barely remember that version of me.
Towards the end of that year I was on a flight home from a work meeting and ended up in conversation with my seatmate, a stranger who I had asked to hold my coffee while I put my suitcase in the overhead bin.
Sometimes the simplest gestures that create a brief moment of human connection can lead to deeper connections and revelations.
We ended up talking about life and its various challenges for the duration of the flight. I don’t recall saying anything particularly novel, I was just answering questions and giving perspective on some of the issues he was facing with personal relationships. But something I said, or more likely they way I said it, must have struck him because at one point he said to me, “how are you so CLEAR about who you are and what you want?”
It was interesting because this was a perfect stranger yet he kind of picked up on this clarity thing that I had been working towards for the whole year. My response came immediately and without thinking,
“Well I think most of it comes from having fucked up a lot.”
But the second part of that answer is that after you fuck up, if you can find self-forgiveness, self-acceptance and remove self-judgment, there is this ease that takes the place of all those things.
It’s the kind of ease that makes it much easier to let go of what is no longer needed–no longer a need to hide, to feel shame, to apologize for being human, or for feeling “less-than” because your path hasn’t followed some “ideal” that has been carried on by too many generations without any kind of review or revision to meet modern-day, individual needs.
The letting-go, the ease, the confidence that we can continue to move forward in spite of what has happened in the past, all of this contributes to that fog lifting and the clarity of vision that allows us to remember who we have been all along.
We are born perfect. We are born in love with the world around us. Watching my daughter reminds me of this fact.
The simplest things make a baby smile. They don’t need to be entertained, they see the entertainment in the everyday scenes all around them.
My daughter laughs hysterically when she sees the neighbors chickens running through the yard. Chickens are fucking funny! The way they move, the sounds they make, the way their too-small-for-their-body heads bobble side-to-side…why aren’t we ALL laughing every time we see a chicken running??
Babies have a clarity that we all were born with, but that we have forgotten. Our clarity gets coated with layers of dust year after year until we can no longer see what was ours all along.
There are those people who seem to have always known what they wanted to be and how they wanted to live. I sometimes envy those people. But then again, how do I know if they have truly been this clear all along? Maybe these individuals have doubts even when they think they know what they want.
Many of us have doubts when we don’t seem to be getting what we think we want. When we put our all into a dream, a hope or a vision and the universe keeps steering us away from it.
Here again is where the letting go makes way for the ease that brings us to clarity.
So yeah, I’ve fucked up a lot. But it has helped me remember who I am and see so much more clearly. Focusing on clarity for 2022 was what led me to be able to focus on “creation” in 2024. And that is a powerful combination that has me excited for a future where I can continue to be myself, take chances on new ideas and adventures and do it all with ease and trust that no matter what happens, it will turn out exactly as it’s supposed.
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Warrior pondering prompts:
Here are some things that I have found have a negative impact on CLARITY:
People-pleasing–we allow others to influence how we think, feel, speak, and act. We can’t be clear in our own vision when we give our power away to others just to make them feel more comfortable. Rock the fucking boat and be your own person.
Lack of sleep–a very practical one…when we are tired, overworked, overstimulated and have not taken time to give ourselves the gift of rest, we can’t see clearly. Clarity of mind requires self-nurturing. No good decisions are made after a bad night’s sleep.
Inadequate time alone–we often allow ourselves to be swept up in the flow and pace that others set for us, over-indexing our perspectives based on others’ opinions (especially those who are louder than us) and forgetting to listen to the most important voice: our own. Find some quiet time to ask yourSELF the questions you are pondering, and create the space to listen for the answers.
There you will find your own CLARITY.